Almost a year of isolation a’ la social distancing, “uncertain times” and “the new normal” (as of this writing it’s been almost ten months) gets depressing and requires nearly unprecedented efforts to keep optimistic. One thing that’s come to “lift my spirits” (and in fact, my penis sometimes) is taking hour long walks with my […]
Tag: mental health
How to feel sexy and hot when complimenting a woman you find sexy and hot…
I would feel a lot sexier if I could reduce the intense social anxiety that often seizes me, especially in group conversations. It’s not just women who I’m especially attracted to who intimidate me (ah, what a bitter-sweet type of intimidation; the outstandingness of the feeling so timeless and enlivening, those intense surges of excitement!) […]
Some thoughts on desiring to be hot and sexy
I have a bad habit of destroying my sexiness (yes, for the first time in my 34 year life, I grant myself the possession of sex appeal and permission to acknowledge it; on what basis? On what grounds? On the basis and grounds of wanting to feel and be HEALTHY! Proceeding from the premise that […]
Dissociation
Isn’t it the case that one’s “self” is the same thing as one’s brain? Or the mind/consciousness and unconscious, which the brain makes? …Such contemplations lead to dissociation and panic attacks because they accentuate the idea that free-will/choice/control is all bullshit and that the soul is… such as Behaviorists insist… Ivan Pavlov and his dog, […]
Whiskey #2: an affirmation/mantra/prayer
I suppose it’s a feeling of increasing power that I seek. Isn’t that what Nietzsche would say? (Ah, Whiskey, I remember reading Nietzsche’s Will to Power in the nice, steaming bath, while devouring you, thinking I was so fucking chic, so not nihilistic.) But not power as such, but eudaimonic well-being, self-actualization, self-transcendence, some sort […]
Whiskey #1: a bit about the anxiety
Whiskey, time to have a hissy fit with you again because you are not my friend. You send me into temporary states of evasion and oblivion. How do I feel when I think I need you? My mind begins to race and reel and I think about so many of the things I hope to […]
Today I played the idiot, artist, & web designer (Thursday, August 20th, 2020)
“We’re idiots, babe It’s a wonder we can even feed ourselves” So sings Bob Dylan in his song “Idiot Wind” “I cannot rise above my lazy habit,” as Cesare Pavese wrote in his diary on October 11th, 1935. And just the day before he wrote: “there is a blind spot in my work…a material limitation […]
When Containing Multitudes Feels Overwhelming and Flirting with Some Psychiatric/Neurological/Pharmacological Articles (Tuesday, July 28th, 2020)
As I suggested might benefit my chronic, life-long struggles to commit to a career advancement plan, I’ve been exploring records from various multimedia projects and recordings I’ve undertaken in past years wondering which turns of thought would best indicate the nature of previously broken commitments. Yesterday I cited, rather abstractly “fear, worry, pessimism, frustration” as […]
Daily Routines, Anxiety..(Saturday, July 18, 2020)
The question of how to establish the most sufficient daily routine, not as an inflexible absolute but at least as a reasonable set of guidelines for how to budget one’s time throughout a day, is one which has lingered in my mind for many years. When did I first start consciously experimenting with possible routine […]
Best pathways, neural and other?– journal– Friday, July 17th, 2020
As you may see from yesterday’s post, for at least the time being, I’ve taken to a more focused and elaborate commitment to journaling, the most forceful and impactful inspiration being the neurologist Tara Swart and her book The Source. (A book by the way that seems to me so crucial to read for its […]