Addressing the intimidation I feel when writing to women I admire, such as Paulita Pappel, Amanda Montell, and Erika Lust. (experimenting with a more diaristic and extemporaneous style)

Yesterday, I wrote an email to erotic film director Erika Lust, expressing my interest in writing for her Lustzine. Ms. Lust is the second “big name” in ethical porn I’ve reached out to since I’ve decided to seek work in a role that helps me contribute to sex-positive professionals. Last weekend, I reached out to […]

Erotic film actress Heidi Switch makes porn and body image deeper (and promotes more ethics)

“Put yourself on the pedestal,” said “adult performer” (what do actresses and actors in XXX movies prefer to be called? “Porn star?” “Adult film actress/actor?” “erotica entertainer?” Wikipedia—which I always hate to cite, but is a fine enough source for this context—lists “pornographic film actor/actress, adult entertainer, porn star” and lists “actor” and “sex worker” […]

Denying my love for sex, feeling constant guilt and shame: a few sources of my social anxiety

Often, social anxiety can seize me simply because, frankly, I’m often so sexual that 1) due to repressing my erotophilia, I experience a bit of OCD and think overwhelmingly about sex, 2) I worry that it’s “written all over my face,” as if I were blushing, and that it might make someone feel uncomfortable. Don’t […]

On polyamory: part 2– Some observations on sexual attraction

On polyamory: part 2— Some observations on sexual attraction    A girl once called me ugly.[1] Fifteen or so years later, the remark still bugs me. Sometimes, when a woman attracts me, I think “she’d never fuck me![2]” And then I fall into hate with my face, and physics, and fate for damning me with […]