Isn’t it the case that one’s “self” is the same thing as one’s brain? Or the mind/consciousness and unconscious, which the brain makes? …Such contemplations lead to dissociation and panic attacks because they accentuate the idea that free-will/choice/control is all bullshit and that the soul is… such as Behaviorists insist… Ivan Pavlov and his dog, […]

The fear of death and living life in vain

…The fear of death and living life in vain… even to say it, as I sit here, at my desk, which is like my own private Star Trek holodeck, and flight deck/cockpit, where I figuratively “fly” to and/or through my abstract thoughts—like planets and their moons–, feelings—like looming changes in gravitational forces, brightness and dimness […]

Whiskey #2: an affirmation/mantra/prayer

I suppose it’s a feeling of increasing power that I seek. Isn’t that what Nietzsche would say? (Ah, Whiskey, I remember reading Nietzsche’s Will to Power in the nice, steaming bath, while devouring you, thinking I was so fucking chic, so not nihilistic.) But not power as such, but eudaimonic well-being, self-actualization, self-transcendence, some sort […]

Whiskey #1: a bit about the anxiety

Whiskey, time to have a hissy fit with you again because you are not my friend. You send me into temporary states of evasion and oblivion. How do I feel when I think I need you? My mind begins to race and reel and I think about so many of the things I hope to […]

On compatibilism/soft determinism and consciousness

On Compatibilism/Soft Determinism and Consciousness For love, and beauty, and delight There is no death nor change: their might Exceeds our organs—which endure No light—being themselves obscure -Percy Shelley; The Sensitive Plant Often, while meditating, trying to calm my overstimulated body and mind, trembly, bone deep…as if I took amphetamines, it seems like my unconscious […]

On cathartic, descriptive mindfulness and compression; or version #2 of ‘Internet compressed maximalism part 1…’

“On cathartic, descriptive mindfulness and compression or version #2 of ‘Internet compressed maximalism part 1…’” The ultimate horizon that just keeps reaching further and deeper; space, time, and motion expanding, increasing– near- infinity, near-eternity… And although I do hope to keep my mind open to it, I realize one can indeed overdo it; “The Paradox […]

On Polyamory: part 3 (a variation on part 1)

On  Polyamory: part 3 (a variation on part 1) Maybe it was an auditory hallucination resulting from my sexual frustration and wishful imagination, but the moaning and sexual phrases I thought I heard a neighbor of mine scream (presumably in the midst of fucking and/or making love) blazed through nerves with extreme intensity, like New […]

‘Internet compressed maximalism,’ part 1 (if the term isn’t yet coined); also known as ‘On chronic indecisiveness version # 2)

“ ‘Internet-compressed maximalism,’ part 1, (if the term isn’t yet coined[1]); also known as ‘On chronic indecisiveness-version #2’” *I dedicate this poem to Dr. Rosa Soto, Ben Nobuto, Dr. Stefano Eroclino, Nick Levey, Dr. Martha Witt, Dr. John Parras, Professor Christopher Salerno, Dr. Phillip Cioffari, and Dr. Leonard Winogora who encouraged and assisted my attempts […]


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