“Enya Saari Interviewing a Man She’s Interested in Turning Into a ‘Porn Star’” (an erotic flash fiction)

She’s interviewing me on Skype for her next pornographic film. “I’m going to make you rich!” (and herself richer), she says. “A fucking porn star!” Ha! Not that I believe her. First of all, Stardom overall… is dead. And there’s something bittersweet about it: less inequality, more opportunities. More opportunities, however, means an over-saturation into […]

Addressing the intimidation I feel when writing to women I admire, such as Paulita Pappel, Amanda Montell, and Erika Lust. (experimenting with a more diaristic and extemporaneous style)

Yesterday, I wrote an email to erotic film director Erika Lust, expressing my interest in writing for her Lustzine. Ms. Lust is the second “big name” in ethical porn I’ve reached out to since I’ve decided to seek work in a role that helps me contribute to sex-positive professionals. Last weekend, I reached out to […]

Erotic film actress Heidi Switch makes porn and body image deeper (and promotes more ethics)

“Put yourself on the pedestal,” said “adult performer” (what do actresses and actors in XXX movies prefer to be called? “Porn star?” “Adult film actress/actor?” “erotica entertainer?” Wikipedia—which I always hate to cite, but is a fine enough source for this context—lists “pornographic film actor/actress, adult entertainer, porn star” and lists “actor” and “sex worker” […]

Some thoughts on Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book *Come As You Are*

Almost a year of isolation a’ la social distancing, “uncertain times” and “the new normal” (as of this writing it’s been almost ten months) gets depressing and requires nearly unprecedented efforts to keep optimistic. One thing that’s come to “lift my spirits” (and in fact, my penis sometimes) is taking hour long walks with my […]

Some thoughts on The Ethical Slut (part book review, part personal essay)

In early October of 2019, at the suggestion of a former therapist, in response to my telling her that I found myself thinking about sex almost all the time (and that I hated myself for it, fearing I must have been some sort of “pervert” and that I was betraying my wife for constantly wanting […]

Erectile dysfunction/wood trouble in young men: some of my experiences and reflections

So far as I can recall, back in 2006, treatment for young men suffering from Erectile Dysfunction (such as services provided by Roman [or Ro, as the company sometimes refers to itself] ,wasn’t advertised on any mainstream platforms as they are now on television commercials and Facebook ads. References to Viagra might have made you […]

Paulita Pappel, Lustery, Ersties, and my corrective emotional experience concerning sex and porn

Paulita Pappel, Lustery, Ertsies and my corrective emotional experience concerning sex and porn Paulita Pappel, a 33 year old, Spanish, sex positive feminist filmmaker, pornographer, and founder of lustery.com, and a force behind ersties.com, profoundly changed the way I think and feel about love, sex, women, and pornography. I had an emotionally corrective experience I […]

Denying my love for sex, feeling constant guilt and shame: a few sources of my social anxiety

Often, social anxiety can seize me simply because, frankly, I’m often so sexual that 1) due to repressing my erotophilia, I experience a bit of OCD and think overwhelmingly about sex, 2) I worry that it’s “written all over my face,” as if I were blushing, and that it might make someone feel uncomfortable. Don’t […]

How to feel sexy and hot when complimenting a woman you find sexy and hot…

I would feel a lot sexier if I could reduce the intense social anxiety that often seizes me, especially in group conversations. It’s not just women who I’m especially attracted to who intimidate me (ah, what a bitter-sweet type of intimidation; the outstandingness of the feeling so timeless and enlivening, those intense surges of excitement!) […]