“Enya Saari Interviewing a Man She’s Interested in Turning Into a ‘Porn Star’” (an erotic flash fiction)

She’s interviewing me on Skype for her next pornographic film. “I’m going to make you rich!” (and herself richer), she says. “A fucking porn star!”

Ha! Not that I believe her. First of all, Stardom overall… is dead. And there’s something bittersweet about it: less inequality, more opportunities. More opportunities, however, means an over-saturation into most industries (and yet sadly, there is a shortage in medicine, — techs, nurses, doctors, anesthesiologists– along with decent politicians—from federal to local–, and k to 12 teachers, et cetera). This over saturation means an abundance of part time, low wage, low fulfillment jobs, (well, I find all these sorts of cashiering jobs…and the like… to appear most unfulfilling) and a precious few “higher up” and more lucrative jobs…. But don’t get me started on economic inequality….

So, I try explaining to Ms. Enya Saari (“just call me Enya,” she says again) that I’m not qualified to act in porn. I can’t get hard or cum on demand. I sometimes suffer from a bout of performance anxiety and I can get quite shy. And, I’m very picky about who I fuck. “That’s why I want you,” she says.

Enya is a Swedish woman, and this makes our Skype chat/interview exotically erotic for me because I’ve developed somewhat of a fetish for Swedish women ever since I saw the show Karlek och anarki [Love and Anarchy—I probably mispronounced the Swedish]. The protagonist, Sofie [portrayed by Ida Engvoll—sorry to be shallow but my GOD is she gorgeous and cute, with this smile that often just can’t seem to help but stay afloat, never to excess] is a real passionate and avid masturbator. [Indeed, the whole premise of the show is based on a younger IT dude who catches her wanking one night, when she’s staying late at the office, and he films it and uses the video to blackmail her, in a sense. You’ll have to watch the show for yourself to know what I mean by “in a sense.”] And it’s not just that Sophie masturbates that I love. It’s HUR hon klittrar [that’s “how she jills off”…in Swedish…again, I probably wreck the pronunciation]. She will often go to the bathroom, plug earbuds into her smartphone, watch porn, and just rub to the electric music of sex moans. And with such urgency! I mean, contrast with a woman who gets nice and comfortable on her bed and does a tantric sort of masturbation with an array of sex toys. Sophie can’t wait for that. Her pants might be unbuttoned and unzipped but sometimes she doesn’t quite take them off. Just pushes the jeans down. She just needs it! I appreciate that it’s technically unethical for me stereotype based on one TV show [plus, three exceptionally fascinating Swedish pornographers, Erika Lust, Mia Engberg, and her…the great Enya Saari, and then there’s the statistic floating around based on a survey conducted by the dating site Victoria Milan that found Swedish women have the highest sex drives on Earth[1]…] I’m not trying to stereotype. I just appreciate the theoretical percentage of Swedish women who are, in theory, really, really into sex! Walking around in Stockholm will probably pleasantly make my dick hard more-so than Manhattan, just because the fantasies would feel more alive, the air would feel hornier )… but enough about Swedish women. This Swedish woman says she “believes in” me.


[1] Nationalities of World’s Most Sexually Charged Women Revealed; Victoria Milan Blog;  https://www.victoriamilan.com/blog/sexual-drive/

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