On Polyamory: part 3 (a variation on part 1)

On  Polyamory: part 3 (a variation on part 1)

Maybe it was an auditory hallucination

resulting from my sexual frustration

and wishful imagination, but the moaning and sexual phrases

I thought I heard a neighbor of mine scream

(presumably in the midst of fucking and/or making love)

blazed through nerves

with extreme intensity, like New Year’s Eve and Fourth of July fireworks.

It hurt and disturbed me to want her and want her to want me so badly!

One day, when we were both outside the apartment building

at the same time,

she asked if I thought she played her music

too loud.

I said “no,” but I wished

I could have spoken my mind, told her what I thought

I heard

and said “I find it so hot,”

which, anyway, I realize could have gone awfully awry.

I did wishfully wonder, however: if she wondered

about the sounds traveling from her apartment

to the other apartments around,

and whether the neighbors found the sounds too loud,

then could it have been the case that underneath her question

lay her suggestion

that I mention something other

than music?

God, I wanted to be her sex slave!

Which made feel ashamed

and nearly hate myself, thinking I’d betrayed

my wife.

And I hated fate, too, for making me so sex crazed.

And yet,

as I thought about it, the shame didn’t seem to make sense.

Why should I feel so uptight and upset

for wishing I could be non-monogamous?

What if my wife and I could transcend

jealousy and possessiveness and other miscellaneous

negative emotions?

What if, when it came to the ethics

of sex,

I was close minded?

Author: Poetry by Sean O'Connor

Hi, I'm Sean. I’m a poet. My favorite poets, my literary role models, are Bob Dylan and John Lennon; I also draw heavily from the fiction of Thomas Mann, the non-fiction of Phillip Lopate, and the prose of David Foster Wallace. Other poets and writers I love include Percy Shelley, Lord Byron, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Claude McKay, and A.E. Stallings, Milan Kundera, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Robert Musil, Susan Sontag, Leslie Jamison, Michel de Montaigne, and Ralph Waldo Emerson, My themes tend towards the philosophical and psychological, exploring the idea of what it might mean and be like to live an ever improving life. I’m currently pursuing my MFA in Creative & Professional Writing at William Paterson University, where I also received my BA in Liberal Studies (with concentrations in Political Science & History). I also work as a writing tutor for Raritan Valley Community College. Aside from my writing, I’m vehemently political, fascinated with human sexuality, open about my polyamory and…I love dogs. My wife and I adopted a Siberian mix from St. Hubert’s Animal Welfare Center in October of 2019.

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