It has been awhile since I have written a blog post (I haven’t felt compelled to do so since right around when I decided to stick to my plan to start graduate school; I do not want to be vain, conceited, or “blog” simply to see my voice in words online so to speak) but due to this new practicing of “social distancing” in the midst of and the fact that all of my jobs have gone virtual, it seems highly probable that until at least May/June, I will be working from home and thus not interacting with people nearly as much as I’m used to. It reminds me of around this time last year when I was experimenting with blogging, vlogging, podcasting, et cetera, initially, just because I had so many thoughts on my mind that I felt were insufficiently made conscious to my own self, and because I think I had hoped in putting my thoughts down that someone would say “me too!” and offer a thought. But I was so paranoid around that time (this was just a few months after I had graduated with me BA) that I would not find a job that I became obsessed with trying a way to “make money” and all the more ideally if it could be writing-related.
Well then, how ironic because I’ve often fantasized about working as a writer mostly “from home” though I always ultimately reasoned that it would end up to isolating and thus I began pining, quite emotionally (I mean, I cried over it), in fact, for a “real” future in academia.
I can recall the moment so well. I was in the car driving down route 287 South heading towards Mercer County Community College—one of the places where I tutor—and I was listening to an audiobook by Philip Lopate and I felt sad that I had (at the time) decided I would not go to graduate school. I
So what have you been up to lately?
Me, I’ve been writing poetry in the morning, if you happen to be curious, you can check out my “Poetry” page to see some of the latest drafting– and I’ve been reading some poetry by Claude McKay here and there; right now I consider him my favorite, as he has this perfect mix of the abstract and the concrete, the philosophical and the political and yet personal and psychological, and his rhymes are just, in my view, masterful. Also, I’ve managed to get a little online tutoring work which is great, but to be honest, the last few days, the news has quite seized my consciousness.
I realize that watching the news doesn’t make much of an immediate “difference” but it feels better getting a sense of what’s going on than not, waiting for some indication of some tangible containing or handling of all this surreal Covid 19 impact. I am really terribly worried especially for our most at risk among us, my parents and friends and family, and also I’m rather worried about our economy.
The feelings are so raw it’s almost hard to write “creatively” about any of it and the experience of processing a thing—I imagine there’s more too it than what one may be conscious of, though admittedly I’ve not done research on this topic.
One reason why I love literature, reading, writing, art, et cetera, is that it is about identifying thoughts and feelings as they pertain to one’s experience. By being able to grow conscious of what we are thinking and feeling…well it’s healthier than not. Moreover, there is something about “talking” a thing out with someone or at least trying to. So, I’m trying to “talk out” or write out some of my thoughts/feelings experience here. A sort of “free write” blog post I suppose.
Anyway, it is nice to “feel” a little bit more social by “talking to you” via blog post (while getting to sort of “think out loud” at the same time) and I just want to end by saying that I look forward to our country and our world getting through this very unsettling and perplexing and uncertain “time.”